Jesus tussles with the sea gorilla of galilee

Few stories in the New Testament illustrate more profoundly the true spirit of Christmas than the tale of Jesus wrestling with Bolkar, Gorilla God of the Sea, caught in Pauls net when he did a spot of fishing off the jetty.

“Look ye, fisher of men, it's a bloody gorilla” say’th Jesus

“I will never use banana’s for bait again” reply’th Paul, measuring the gorilla for size requirements when the Bolkar attacked

“I am Bolkar, Gorilla God of the sea” proclaimed the angry simian, “Bow down before my might, and worship no other.”

Jesus smote the angry gorilla for many hours, rending the shoreline of Galilee with soggy fur. A crowd of excited on lookers stared at the spectacle of the Son of God, walloping on the angry god of the sea. Bets were taken and wagers placed, with reasonable odds being offered on Bolkar even when the wiley Jesus placed him in the always deadly sleeper hold, and body slammed him into the local kiosk, next to the 24 hour Frankinsense Stall.

At last, Jesus prevailed and anointed the supine body of the near dead monkey with ungent oils and herbs to get rid of the fishy smell from his (Bolkars) living under the sea for so many years.

“Truly, he is the son of somebody” the weeping crowd exclaimed, rushing to buy limited edition postcards of the incident and have them autographed by the triumphant Jesus, posturing on the beach in a thong.

Luke’s epistle ends abruptly in a great deal of laughter and rejoicing, leaving all to wonder who cleaned up the mess.

Scholars in biblical studies have suggested that this parable is a homily on the joys of giving, for surely if Jesus had not gone on so much about fishing and handing out gear and tackle on his birthday, then would Paul have been out there on that fine morning? Probably, but it is only a guess on the part of church hierarchy.

“Give a man a fish, and he will ask you to fillet it, teach a man to fish, and he will ask directions to the beach.”

This then surely is the meaning of Christmas, giving, sharing and spanking the monkey while fishing.