Mat and Teeco: the sun also rises:

“Hello and welcome to ‘I want a to be a millionaire’ the show that gives its contestants a chance to win a MILLION DOLLARS. Im your host Doogie McQuickly and over the next hour were going to be asking the question, what do you want to be?”

Audience: “I want to be a millionaire”
“That’s right, lets call over our first contestant, Matt. Matt, tell me what you want to be?
“What?”
“Matt, tell me what you want to be?”
“What? Sorry, I wasn’t listening..”
”Matt..”
“I got this chord stuck down…”
“Matt.."
“the back of me pants, its riding up me….’
“Matt..”
“what, jesus, its twisted round me… hang on”
“Matt..”
“Jesus now the friggin ear piece’s dropped..”
“Matt, what do you want to be?”
“Oh right, now I got ya…what were you sayin Doogie?”
“Matt, what do you want to be?”
“I want to be a, ummmm, mmmm”
“You want to be a …”
“A microscope, wait no, a millionaire, that’s it”
“Matt..”
“Jesus, this friggin thing is twisted round me friggin nuts”
“Ok matt, your first question for $200, what is the capitol of Surinam?”
“What?”
“ok matt, what is the capitol of Surinam, is it a/ Bettycuthbert, b/ Hollandaise, c/ Jigglesville or d/ Paramiribo.”
“Sorry Doogie, I wasn’t listening, whats the question?”
“That’s the question.”
“But ‘that’s’ not a question.”
“Whats not a question?”
“’that’s not a question’
“Would you like me to to repeat the question?”
“If I say yes, does that mean ive won $200”
“You have to answer the question first.”
“But…oh, hang on, ive got it now, that’s the question on the tv there, isn’t it?”
“Yes Matt”
“Gotcha Doogie, the rules are a bit bloody complex for 200 bucks, I thought if I got the answer right I got…”
“Your answer Matt..”
“Can I take a lifeline Doogie?”
“You have two to choose from Matt”
“Ok, tell me the answer”
“No matt, you can call a frend or have two wrong answers taken away”
“the two wrong answers.."
”Ok lets remove Hollandaise and Jigglesville’
“Shit, you sure you got that right, coz id have sworn…”
“Your answer matt”
“Can I call a frend?”
“you want to use up your lifelines on the first question?”
“Yep, well I reckon you took away the right answer, so im gonna have to call..”
“Ok matt, we have your frend Teeco on the line”
“Teeco?”
“What, who’s this?”
“Its Matty”
“Matty? That’s so fuckin spooky”
“What is?”
“Its just fuckin spooky”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“This is, its fuckin spooky, you know your pigeon?”
“What the fuk? Pigeon, I haven’t got a pigeon”
“Yeh, your pigeon, Foamy..”
“Pigeon? Foamys a a fuckin chihuhua”
“Oh yeh, yeh, your fuckin right just looks like a pigeon”
“What the fuck are you…now listen”
“Its fuckin spooky man”
“Whats fuckin spooky? Now listen..”
“Its in the dishwasher”
“What the fuk, you put foamy in the fuckin dishwasher?”
“No I didn’t… well yeh, yeh, ok, fuckin spooky eh?”
“What the fuck are you doin putting..”
“Its just to fuckin weird man, im fuckin freakin …”
“What the fuck are u..”
“Ooooooooo man, this is just to fuckin weird, its on fukin rinse”
“Have you bin into my stash, you fuckin…”
“Fukin hell its freakin me out, can u hear….”
“Will you shut the fuk up an get..”
“Hey, hows your brother?”
‘Brother, what the fuck are you..”
“Yeh, man, your brother?”
‘I haven’t got a fukin brother”
“Oh man that’s too fuckin weird, you near a telly?”
“What the fuk?’
”Yeh man tune into channel ummm ummm”
“I haven’t got a fukcin brother”
“Man that so fuckin weird man, coz theres a guy on tv that looks just like your brother”
“That’s me you fuck wit”
“No fukin way, that’s just too freaky, fuk I am off my fuckin dial”
“YOU fuckin …. You have bin into my fuckin stash…”
“Fuck man who would have thought, you and your brother on tv at the same time, what channel are you on?”
“I haven’t got a fuckin brother ….”
“That is just freakin me out”
“Will you shut the fuk up”
”I didn’t even know you had a brother, oooooo, what the fuks that?”
“Shut the fu…”
“Oh man its going onto super rinse, u gotta hear…”
“Will you get the fucking dog out of the fuckin dishwasher and shut the fuk up for one fuckin second”
“Its ok, its ok, im calm, fukin calm, its all fukin cool, its all fukcin…”
“Look will you..”
“Fuk this guy on telly looks just like you, you gotta watch this”
“It is me you fuck wit”
“Yeh man im changing the fuckin channel, which one are you on again?”
“Fukcin hell”
“I am fuckin freakin man, that guy loks just like you, its so freaky, fukin freeeeeeeky”
“Oh shut the fuk up I just wanna ask you..”
“Fuk, I just dropped the remote in the fish tank”
“I haven’t got a fish tank?”
“Oh fuk, Im so sorry mate, I musta plugged the stero in to the sprinkler, ohh fuk”
“Fuking hell, will you please just”
“Hang on the pigeons making some really fukin freaky noises, fuk I am off my fuckin dial, ooooooooo fuk man, look im just gonnn…..ooooooooooo im fuckin..... “
(u can hear strange screamin and moaning in the back ground as poor matty just hang his head)
DMcQ: look matty if I give you $200 will you just piss off."
Matt: "if I say yes, does that mean I got the question right?"